The Broadening and the Deepening

by Mary Faith Albert

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ONCE they knew who and what I was, and I struggled to be that who and what. I loved them.

I was good and true and right, and I suffered guilt when I was bad and false and wrong.

And I struggled to erase bad and false and wrong from me.

And I struggled to add good and true and right to me.

And I was content in my struggle, and I was normal, and I deserved it when I suffered.

LATER we knew that we did not know who and what we were but we knew that we were as good

and true

and right

and normal as each other.

And we knew that we were better

and righter

and truer

than those others.

And we had the courage of our convictions to say that

those others were bad

those others were false

those others were wrong those others were abnormal.

But we did not blame those others; we suffered for them.

We tried to teach them our good and true and right and normal way. And they suffered for their ways,

and we felt nothing.

AND THEN the nothing of me and us began flowing in the flowing of me

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in the flowing.

ME. THEM. RIGHT. WRONG. TRUE. FALSE. BLACK. WHITE.

YELLOW. NORMAL. ABNORMAL.

are flowing in the flowing of me in the flowing.

Me am feeling SHAME, and it is filling me.

ME am failing.

Me am dying.

I am feeling shame and I am doubting me and questioning me

and doubting them and questioning them.

I am trying me and I am erring, trying, erring, succeeding and trying.

I am trying I and me, and I am doubting and questioning the KNOWING.